Saturday, November 19, 2011

Huge Bump in Polls for Sawiris after Surprise Tahrir Appearance

Squillionaire Egyptian Technocrat and all-round smarty-pants Naguib Sawiris’s campaign to buy the only thing in Egypt that he doesn’t already own, the government, received a huge boost from yesterday’s surprise appearance in Cairo’s Tahrir Square, polls indicate.

Held aloft for the crowd to see, the diminutive (Do say: “vertically inconsequential.” Don’t say: “garden gnome” or “squishy lil’ fella with a funny face”) Sawaris exhorted the crowd to hand over the running of the troubled country to his privately-held consortium Nothing’s Free for Egyptians.

“It’s time to get off the gravy train and get back to work,” squeaked our favorite HervĂ© Villechaise impersonator as his minder dutifully worked the strings that allow him to talk while somebody else does the actual labor. “And we will put you to work. We’ve fucked up your phone bills, and now we can do the same for your government!”

Saturday, November 12, 2011

NOP EXCLUSIVE FLASH: Bald Man at Cairo Coptic Commemoration Come-together

Copts gathering in Cairo's Tahrir square last night were photographed by a bald man, sources reveal.

The man, who had no hair at all on his head, held the phone in the air as the demonstrators passed his position and took several photographs.

More on this story as it becomes available